My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
