so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Randomize
