dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
