pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
Randomize
