I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
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