just come out here and I will go home with you...
see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
Randomize
