'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
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