He asked to "fluff my boner.."
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
Randomize
