you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
I can't trust your balls anymore.
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
Randomize
