Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
No...this little piggys going to the bar
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Randomize
