Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
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