When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
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i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
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I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
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