and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
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