Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
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