I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
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