I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
Randomize
