She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
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