Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
