currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
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