Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
Randomize
