So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
Randomize
