Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
Randomize
