there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
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