Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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