I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Randomize
