glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
Randomize
