let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
Are these your boobs on my camera?
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Randomize
