I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
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