We named our party play list daddy issues
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
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