How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
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