Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
Randomize
