Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
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