You can't special order awesome
Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
You pole danced in your parka.
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Randomize
