god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Randomize
