if i died would you start the facebook group?
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize
