kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
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