I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
Randomize
