what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
Randomize
