got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
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