So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
True strength comes from lack of pants
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
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