I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Randomize
