Mind blown. Apparently, it's PRErogative, not PERogative. I blame Bobby Brown.
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
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