Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
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