I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
