You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
