We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
Randomize
