I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
Did we literally take a cab across the street
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
Randomize
