Did you hit it?
Turns out she was a he. but to answer your question, yes.
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
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