We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
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