Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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