All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
Randomize
