can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
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I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
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