im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
Randomize