i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
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