im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
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