I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Randomize