every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
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