How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
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