I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
Randomize
