I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
Randomize
