I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Randomize
