I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
Randomize
