help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
Randomize
