we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Randomize
