i just wanna soil my oats bro
is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
Randomize
