my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
The police scanner is talking about you again....
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
how do you play pong handcuffed?
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
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