wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
Randomize
