When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Randomize
