Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
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I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
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No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
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