1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
Randomize
