My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
he high fived his dick after we had sex
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
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