she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
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