ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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