Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
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