i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
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