Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
Randomize
