i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
