I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
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