literally had 100 drinks last night.
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
Randomize
