She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
ttyl tear gas
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
Randomize
