Is it normal to miss your booty call?
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
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