So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
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